I've wrestled a lot about starting a blog. Although, the desire has been there from the beginning to put down in letter what I speak out daily. But, I'm typically not one to publicize my inner most thoughts and let my feelings be on display. Even my Facebook page is guarded with Scripture and inspirational sayings. I just don't like to feel that vulnerable.
So, after a very choppy and oversimplified account of the story of my twins, I finally published my first post last night. I felt a huge sense of accomplishment- and then regret. Letting it all go....public. What was I thinking? But what is the purpose of this journey if it doesn't change me? There will always be naysayers and gossips; but somewhere there is someone struggling with loss, with shattered dreams, with hopes deferred. I truly know the pain of a broken heart and yet, a God who's grace is greater than the pain. I knew it only in words that I had read before the loss of Julian. Now I know the love of God in an intimate way that is my strength, my ability and my renewed hope.
I am praying with each new posting. Asking the Lord to bring His comfort and light to all my readers. Asking that He would be glorified in the life and death of Julian. I am going to trust Him with my own life and whatever He wants to use. Hide it under a bushel? No.
Hope deferred maketh the heart sick, but a fulfilled longing is a tree of life. Proverbs 13:12
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