Nothing wrong with my baby

I had to post this quickly because I feel like there are so many questions about what happened and I just want to clear the air. There was nothing wrong with my son, Julian. He wasn't disabled, he wasn't sick, he wouldn't have been a "problem" or a "burden" for me. TTTS is something that happens when babies share a placenta and the blood flows unevenly between the two of them. It makes one baby's heart pump twice as hard. They call this baby the "donor". If left untreated, the baby will become weak, anemic and can die. This is something that can happen any time, even during delivery. For me, it had set in at the end of my pregnancy and unfortunately, I was not being managed correctly by my doctors who should have put me as high risk because my sons shared a placenta. They were monochorionic diamniotic (one placenta, two sacs). If I had been given one simple doppler test during my sono, they would have identified it and taken the proper measures the treat us. My doctors were negligent and then tried to cover it up after my baby passed away.

Julian was the exact replica of Gianluca. When he was born, he had the same feet, same black hair, same long fingers, nose and mouth. I held him in my arms for two hours, crying, rocking him and telling him how much I will always love him. I'm so glad that the Lord chose me to be his mommy. I'm so happy that he was in my belly, growing and knowing that I loved him. I did my very, very best to try and have a healthy pregnancy. Even when the doctors shot down my concerns, I didn't stop searching for answers. Unfortunately, I was searching in the dark and now, hindsight is truly 20/20. But I never regret my pregnancy and I have the same amount of love for him that I did while he was alive kicking and hiccuping inside of me. My son is not a "was", he is an "is"; and he is in the presence of the Lord and one day we will be reunited. Thanks for reading <3