Julian (Baby A) and Gianluca (Baby B)

On October 11, 2010, I was 32 weeks pregnant with identical twin boys and headed into the doctor's office for a routine sono. While on the table, the sonographer told me that Baby A had died. From there, I was transferred over to a high risk practice to get a more detailed sonogram. The high risk doctor asked me if my babies had shared a placenta or if they had individual placentas. I had no idea and unfortunately, neither did my previous doctor's office. No one had bothered to check.

Up until this point of my pregnancy, I was always told that the babies were very healthy and on the bigger side. Their sizes always seemed to be within an ounce of each other. During dopplers, I knew that baby A had a slightly slower heart beat. I had also called the office many times to tell them that Baby B had hiccups all the time, but not Baby A. They would dismiss all of my complaining. The office visit before this sonogram, I had even told one of the doctors that I lost six pounds, my milk dried up and I had gotten very swollen. Still, my complaints were ignored.

I had also been seeing a cardiologist for severe tachycardia and had become pretty anemic to the point that a hematologist was going to put me on IV iron infusions the week before I found out that Baby A had died. Still, my OB told me this was all "normal". Through much research, I have been able to put the pieces together about what happened. Most likely my boys suffered from Twin To Twin Transfusion Syndrome (TTTS). One simple test from my doctor's office would have diagnosed them and it is very likely I would have delivered two live babies, instead of one.

While we were still reeling from the news of the loss of one of our boys, the high risk doctor then told us that it seemed I was carrying monochorionic diamniotic twins and now there was up to a 40% chance that my other baby would have severe brain damage and/or heart and kidney damage, a 90% chance that he would die too and a 75% chance that I would go into labor during the next two weeks. I was put into the hospital until I could safely deliver my other twin boy. I had to leave at home my other three children who were ages 6, 3 and 15 months. Every day I had myriad testing done to try and save the life of my other twin.

To the glory of God, I did not show signs of labor until FOUR weeks later, I survived my C-section on November 4, 2010, and Baby B was born PERFECTLY HEALTHY! I am so grateful to be safely home with my children and am completely in love with my new little boy. Still, I have days where I have to lock myself in the bathroom so that the other kids don't see me crying. Sometimes I get anxiety attacks when I'm reminded of things that happened during my pregnancy. I struggled with a lot of guilt that maybe if I would have gotten a second opinion or pushed harder, I would have been able to save my child.

This is when I rely on the word of God stored up in my heart. I have learned so much about the love and grace of God through this journey. I know that we are meant to be vessels of His glory and I hope to share about the loving kindness of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ through this blog. Thanks for reading. <3