As the summer wanes and fall meets the horizon, the familiar breezes in the air take me back to that place. Those special memories of carrying my boys. The intense pains of loss, the fear of the unknown and yet the amazing grace of my Abba Father and the joys of His deliverance. Only when a Christian has known such intense grief can they truly understand the intertwining of mourning and worship. That it is possible to be at the bottom, in the most intense pain you have ever felt and to continue to worship the One true and living God. It is only by the power of His Spirit that we can cry, and moan and bow before His throne.
I remember so vividly the pains of yesterday. There are times I secretly scream inside with certain images and memories of my little baby boy, Julian. The suffocating thoughts of misery and hopelessness slowly creep in. This is when I need to worship more than ever. This is where the breakthrough lies. And Father God is never far away. He is closest to my breaking heart, healing it, infusing me with hope through the Holy Spirit. And I can breathe again.
I do not anticipate that this pain will ever go away; as the mortal awaits for the immortal, I will continue to bow my head in worship. I know, now, that nothing can separate me from the love of Christ. Not height, nor depth, nor hell, no death...I encourage you, wherever you are today, you do not have to deny the pain you are in to continue to worship. The Lord knows where you are at and He doesn't look for someone who cleans themselves up, wipes their tears and prepares to worship, no. He looks for the contrite of heart. The humble. Then He will lift you up. Then He gives you the garment of praise for your mourning.