"Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith." Hebrews 12:1
The busyness of the fall season has begun and I am too quickly approaching the first birthday of Julian and Gianluca. Recently, we attended a remembrance ceremony at the hospital where I delivered my twins. Four kids and a loving mother-in-law in tow, we sat as quietly as possible (well, except for Kristofer). One of my good friends who happens to be an amazing professional photographer attended with her husband to support us and to take pictures. I am truly blessed. Calmly, we sat and listened to a few speakers, some soothing guitars and folky vocalists, and reconnected with some of the staff that had taken such amazing care of me and the babies. It was so nice to be back. The last place I was able to have Julian. The place where I held him and said, "goodbye". I love going back to that hospital...
Everything was running smoothly until they called out, "Julian Thomas...". It was the cue for Chris, me and the kids to walk up front and light a candle in his honor. With Gianluca on my hip, I took the lighter in my hand and lit the flame. Something about the physical representation of my sweet little baby's life, broke me down and sent me walking back down the aisle, head down and tears cascading to the ground. But just as I got back to my seat, Annika and Berlin were fighting and Kristofer was yelling over the woman on the microphone that he wanted more cookies. This is my life. Always remembering and longing for my one son, and so grateful to have my hands full of my other four not-so-baby babies. It is beautiful chaos and I love every minute. I don't deserve any of it, but serve a God who is full of love and mercy. A truly, good, wonderful Father.
So, I am looking ahead and not back. I used to think that I had to walk backwards into my future so I wouldn't forget my son, so I wouldn't leave him behind. But God has shown me that he isn't in my past, he is in my future. I must continue to run the race and keep my eyes on the prize. The prize is Christ and eternal life. I cannot wait to spend eternity with my Savior and my family in him- Julian included. He waits for me there, dancing in the presence of the Almighty.
Pictured here with the wonderful March of Dimes Director, who has become a dear friend and a sister in Christ. (Left to right: Berlin, Annika, me, Gianluca, Chris and Kristofer.)
The busyness of the fall season has begun and I am too quickly approaching the first birthday of Julian and Gianluca. Recently, we attended a remembrance ceremony at the hospital where I delivered my twins. Four kids and a loving mother-in-law in tow, we sat as quietly as possible (well, except for Kristofer). One of my good friends who happens to be an amazing professional photographer attended with her husband to support us and to take pictures. I am truly blessed. Calmly, we sat and listened to a few speakers, some soothing guitars and folky vocalists, and reconnected with some of the staff that had taken such amazing care of me and the babies. It was so nice to be back. The last place I was able to have Julian. The place where I held him and said, "goodbye". I love going back to that hospital...
Everything was running smoothly until they called out, "Julian Thomas...". It was the cue for Chris, me and the kids to walk up front and light a candle in his honor. With Gianluca on my hip, I took the lighter in my hand and lit the flame. Something about the physical representation of my sweet little baby's life, broke me down and sent me walking back down the aisle, head down and tears cascading to the ground. But just as I got back to my seat, Annika and Berlin were fighting and Kristofer was yelling over the woman on the microphone that he wanted more cookies. This is my life. Always remembering and longing for my one son, and so grateful to have my hands full of my other four not-so-baby babies. It is beautiful chaos and I love every minute. I don't deserve any of it, but serve a God who is full of love and mercy. A truly, good, wonderful Father.
So, I am looking ahead and not back. I used to think that I had to walk backwards into my future so I wouldn't forget my son, so I wouldn't leave him behind. But God has shown me that he isn't in my past, he is in my future. I must continue to run the race and keep my eyes on the prize. The prize is Christ and eternal life. I cannot wait to spend eternity with my Savior and my family in him- Julian included. He waits for me there, dancing in the presence of the Almighty.
Pictured here with the wonderful March of Dimes Director, who has become a dear friend and a sister in Christ. (Left to right: Berlin, Annika, me, Gianluca, Chris and Kristofer.)
4 comments:
Beautiful Adrienne, you are an amazing woman and a role model to myself and all other christian woman. I thank God He has brought us together. Love Nancy
Beautiful post! This reminded me of a walk I went to once- I was having a moment and then one of my kids started yelling or something an snapped e right out of it. Will me thinking of you as you approach this first year. Will be thinking of you as you approach this first year. So happy that you have Christ in your life. What a difference to know you are not walking this path alone. (((hugs)))
L
Thank you, Nancy! I hope you know I feel the same about you. <3
Thank you so much, Laura. Yes, that scenario does sound familiar :-). I am so blessed to be able to look to the mighty women of God who are ahead of me on this journey, carving out the way for people of faith. You are one of them!
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